Monday I was down most of the day, then woke up just fine have been having a good week til I woke up today! I have been crying on and off all day! See I am going to be 35 soon, for my whole life I have said I do not want children after I turn 35. Could be playing a big part of this cuz now is the time we have to try. I don't want to be a old mom! My mom had me when she was 40 and she had no energy for me. I want to share the world with our kids not just have them to say I am not broken!
I know 35 is not that old, sort of but it is because I thought the Lord would hear my plea. That I would be blessed to have a living child by now. I know he has a sense of humor, that it is like He is saying we'll see if you don't have any past 35. So I am trying to wait to see what this next year brings. But very very hard when we feel we can't even be in trusted with foster children! That would not even be ours, just on loan!! And we cant get any NOT ONE! But I truly am trying just doesn't sound like it today, but I know I have to have Faith and Hope that it is in His hands. We do what we can, that is all we can do leave the Rest to the Lord to know if we are to have children. I am just asking for one that is it. I am going to try to get pg for a while and IF I get pg it will be my last and if I loss that one I would still be done. It would just be telling me to let it go, not in our cards to be parents now!
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
